


Only His

by Loki_Fics (Scarred_Neptinite)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthing, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fighting, Forbidden Love, Giving Birth, Miscarriage, Sad, Smut, labor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-07-12 20:04:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16002314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarred_Neptinite/pseuds/Loki_Fics
Summary: Takes place before the first Thor. You’re Loki’s personal servant, from the time of his childhood and watched him grow into a handsome young man. Though you’re unwilling to admit your feelings, situations will arise that will force you two to face how you really feel.





	1. Chapter 1

You watch your old friend sleeping peacefully, not wanting to wake him. Well, you consider him your friend, but he probably doesn’t consider you his. You don’t have many friends, so knowing a lot about the prince you take care of is really the closest relationship you have. His dark hair is sprawled on the pillow under him and you admire his face. You shake your head and walk to him closely. “My prince.” You shake his arm gently. “It’s time to get ready.”

“Five more minutes.” He groans and turns over. You suppress a smile. He always does this.

“Prince Loki, you’re going to be late.” You tug his covers off him, revealing his perfect chest and torso. Luckily, he was wearing pants this time. You’ve seen him naked plenty of times, but that doesn’t mean you are immune to his charm. “Your mother will be waiting for you.”

“Fine…” He glares at you before getting up. You smile and start his bath. “What would I do without you?”

 _Probably sleep until Ragnarok._  “I’m sure you would manage, my prince.” You turn away as he undresses and lowers himself into the tub. As his personal servant, you see Loki in his most intimate moments. You start washing his hair and he sighs.

“I don’t think I could.”

“I’m sure your future wife will take care of you.” You feel him tense. “I apologize, I know I should not discuss such things with you. Forgive me.” Loki doesn’t respond and you push down your anxiety. He could replace you with just one word, so you must be on your best behavior.

“The only true freedom of not being the first born is I can choose who I marry.” Loki closes his eyes and you rinse his hair.

“That’s nice.” You don’t know what to say. Yeah, more than anything you want to be his. But, you know he could never see you as anything more than a servant. You know too much about him to ever consider that option.

“I’m courting a few women over the next few months. I would like everything to go smoothly.”

Your heart hammers in your chest. “Of course, my prince.” You grab the towel and hold it open to give him privacy as he leaves the bath. Loki takes it from you and starts drying as you drain the bath water. “Are you courting one of them today?”

“Yes,” you note a hint of anxiety in his voice. You grab his tunic and pants to lay them on the bed. Then you pull out his armor, already cleaned and polished from his last battle and lay that next to them with his cape. You help him dress quickly, not wanting him to be late and make a bad first impression. You know he just wants to make his father proud so you try to make him as presentable and handsome as possible. Loki looks in the mirror and nods. “Sometimes I think you’re a miracle worker.” You blush.

“Thank you, my prince.” You follow behind him at an appropriate distance as he enters a hall where the Queen is waiting. You curtsy and Loki smiles at her.

“Mother.” He embraces her, but you do not dare move. “Where is she?”

“Waiting for you in the gardens.” His mother looks at you apologetically. “Maybe it is time to find a different personal servant, maybe one that won’t make your suitors jealous.” You keep your head low as a blush creeps on your face.  _You make people jealous? How? Why?_  Loki shakes his head.

“She has been my servant since I was young, I do not want to replace her.” His voice is confident, but you can’t read his expression.

“Loki, people are talking.” She looks at you briefly. “Her reputation is being questioned. She will not find a suitable husband at this rate.” You lower your eyes again, but you already know there is nothing that can be done. Loki is stubborn, and if he wants you to be his servant, you’re going to stay his servant, rumors or not.

“I will find her a husband.”

“I already tried, they don’t want her for fear of offending you.” The Queen’s tone has a hint of desperation. “She can still be a servant here, just not as your personal servant.” Loki looks at you, trying to decide what you would want. You personally don’t care about reputations or any of that nonsense, but if Loki’s wife is jealous of you that could cause a problem.

“I will think about it.” He turns and leaves while you curtsy and follow. Instead of going to the gardens, Loki just saunters back to his room.

“My prince, don’t you think the lady will become impatient?” You try to remind him why he’s so dressed up.

“I have other matters to attend to now.” He waves his hand. You swallow knowing you can’t convince him otherwise. “Do you desire a husband?”

“Only if love is involved.” You whisper. “I do not care about reputation, but I worry of making your wife jealous.”

“Love is not always present in a marriage.” He sighs. “I will try to find a man for you.”

“Thank you, my prince.” You close your eyes and suppress the hurt you feel. If Loki asks you to marry a stranger, you have no right to refuse as his servant. Loki looks out his window. “M-my prince.” You try to pull him from his thoughts. “The lady is still waiting for you.”

“Of course, you’re right.” Loki turns from the window and looks at you. “Wish me luck.” You watch your friend leave his room, but don’t follow. You didn’t want to make the lady uncomfortable, and given the conversation Loki had with his mother, it sounds like you could by your mere presence. You shake your head from your thoughts before grabbing Loki’s hamper. There’s too much to do for you to be caught up in his decisions. Some things you have to let him do on his own. You smirk and head off to do his laundry, thinking about how uncomfortable he probably is.


	2. Chapter 2

You’re in the middle of the last set of clothes you are washing when you see the Queen approaching. You stand and curtsy. “My Queen.”

“Come, take a walk with me.” You nervously follow her. “(Y/n), I understand my son is very fond of your service.”

“I am flattered, my Queen.” You keep your voice soft.

“Do you every go beyond your duties?” She eyes you suspiciously. “Have you ever acted inappropriate with him?”

“N-no, my Queen.” You look down, realizing why she wanted to talk to you.

“Then I don’t see why he is so bent on keeping you.” Frigga closes her eyes. “May I be frank?”

“Of course.” You see her wave the guards away from the two of you.

“I need you to say yes to the first man that asks you to marry them.”

“May I ask why, my Queen?” Your heart is about to beat out of your chest.

“Because Loki is pranking and offending every suitable young woman because of you.” She sighs. “Though he can choose who he marries, she must be of the same class, a lady.”

“Why is he doing this because of me?” Your mind is racing.

“He told me he doesn’t desire anyone but you when I confronted him about his behavior.”

“M-me?” You hold onto a tree for support.

“Yes, I hope once you are married and out of his service he will come to his senses.” Frigga looks at you apologetically. “I’m sorry for sharing this burden, but I see no other way. You must understand.”

“I do.” You whisper as your heart shatters. The man you love, loves you back, but cannot marry you. Yet, you don’t think you can bare to watch him be with someone else while confined to an unhappy marriage as well. “Can’t I just leave?” You forget all formalities. “I don’t want to marry except for love, so I beg of you, instead of marrying me off, exile me.”

“Exile you? Child, what for?” She looks at you shocked.

“For seducing the prince.” Your eyes plead with her. “Please, I love your son more than my own life. But, he doesn’t know and I don’t want to be the wedge that drives him away from his duties.” You take a deep breath. “But being on a world, watching him love someone else, would be unbearable.”

“Do you confess your crime then?” There are tears in her eyes, knowing you’re lying to save her family.

“I do.” Frigga motions to the guards and you are bound in chains.

You are immediately escorted to the Bifrost. You see Frigga, Odin, and Thor, but not Loki. Maybe he is ashamed of you? You’re secretly grateful he isn’t there. You don’t know if you could go through with it if he was. “(Y/n)!” You hear his voice call out to you and tears start down your face as you turn to see him one last time.

“I’m sorry.” You smile sadly as Odin pushes you into the portal. You pray that Loki would be okay and happy without you.

Loki feels hollow as you’re taken away from him. “Why?” Tears are in his eyes, but he refuses to shed them. “What did she do?”

“She confessed to seducing you for power.” Odin glares at the portal you disappeared into. “Foolish girl.”

“She hasn’t seduced me!” Loki yells. Why would you lie? Why would you leave him alone in a world surrounded by people he doesn’t trust? “What did you say to her?” He growls. They must have threatened you, or something. “Whatever you did to her, I’ll find out.” He turns to leave when Odin’s voice stops him.

“Why don’t you go see that beautiful lady you were with today before and try to forget about the harlot?”

“She wasn’t a harlot.” His voice is cold and he glares at his father. “And tell every young lady you deem fit to be my wife that I am not interested. I’m never going to marry anyone.” Loki sees the distress plain on his mother’s face, but he couldn’t care. He was playing their game, so long as you were kept in his service, so long as he had your companionship. Now that you’re gone, they have nothing to hold over his head to force him to play along.

“Please be reasonable, Loki.” His mother starts to follow him.

“I am reasonable.” He rounds on her. “You banished an innocent woman because I admitted my feelings to you.  _She_  didn’t even know how I cared about her! She lied to you because you probably threatened her and she had no choice!” Loki’s glare pierces his mother’s heart. “I will  _never_  trust you again.” They can feel his anger grow, but don’t follow him. The one person that could calm him down is now gone. The one person who forced him out of bed every morning to go do the unbearably dull tasks assigned to him is gone. Loki makes it to his room before the tears come, thankfully. He looks to his bed, then to his bath, then to his closet. It was one thing if you were actually guilty of the crime they accuse you of, but Loki could barely bring himself to admit it to himself, let alone try to say it out loud to you. He curses himself for being a coward, for not taking the chance he had so many times to just pull you to his bed and hold you. “I will find you, (Y/n). And I will bring you home.” Loki looks out the window, up at the sky wondering where you ended up. “I swear.”


	3. Chapter 3

You land on a hard, rocky cliff, snow covering everything. You tense, realizing where you are: Jotunheim, land of the frost giants. You see your breath in the cold and you rub your arms. The frost giants come out of their caves to look at you. Soon you were surrounded, but you didn’t mind. You stare up at them in awe at their red eyes that contrast their beautiful skin. “Who goes there?”

“(Y/n), banished from Asgard.” You have no reason to lie, at this point you would even embrace death if it came.

“Why were you banished?” You see Laufey, king of the frost giants stand and walk towards you. You fall to the ground from the vibrations his feet made.

“I seduced the prince.” You go with it, word will reach all the nine realms anyways.

“No, you didn’t.” The king squints at you. “I can tell when you lie, little one.”

“The prince loved me, so I was banished.”

“Odin would banish an innocent to keep his son in line?” Laufey laughs. “Which one? The heir or the false prince?”

“Who’s the false prince?” You frown at him confused.

“Just give me his name.”

“Loki.” Laufey frowns.

“So, the false prince it is. You will be useful, (Y/n).” You shiver at his words, but Loki is Odin’s son, right? You follow the huge man into his cave. “Sit, eat.” You obey, but don’t touch the food. “There are things you should know.”

“Like?” You raise an eyebrow, trying to determine what game he is playing at.

“Loki is my son, not Odin’s.” You frown.

“Are you sure? He’s certainly not blue or tall. He’s slightly colder than average when you touch him, but nothing that could harm us.”

“He was a runt I left out in the cold hundreds of years ago.” He keeps his voice low. “The other frost giants don’t know either.”

“Then why are you telling me?” You cross your arms.

“Because he is certainly powerful, is he not?” You blink.

“I guess so?” You’re not sure you could trust him.

“We will need him to take back what is ours.” Laufey holds out his hand. “You help us bring Loki to our side, and you live. Do we have a deal?” You look at him, knowing you don’t have much of a choice.

“I’m not a good liar.” You mumble.

“That doesn’t matter, I already have a plan. Do you agree to the terms?” You hesitate, but take his hand expecting to freeze and die when you do. Nothing happens; it’s like touching Loki. They seem to be able to control their temperature.

“We do, as long as Loki is unharmed.”

“You have my word. I will arrange for you to stay with us. Probably somewhere warmer, so you don’t die before our deal is complete.” Laufey leaves the cave and you follow. The other frost giants eye you with suspicion. “Frost giants, we have a new ally to get what belongs to us back! She is to be protected until the time is right!” You swallow as you betray the home you’ve always known. “She will need warmth, so she will get the deepest cave and allowed to build a fire. Anyone who harms her, will answer to me.” Laufey shows you to a cave close to the edge of the cliff. “This shall be yours. Good luck trying to build a fire with wet wood, though.”

“I will manage, thank you.” You smile up at him. He seems to be quite a reasonable man, nothing like the stories say. “But, I have no communication with Asgard. How will I get you in or in contact with Loki?”

Laufey grabs your hair and pulls out a knife. You freeze as fear runs through you. Before you knew what happened you’re on the floor, your hair much shorter than before. You see the rest of it in his fist “Leave it to me.” You wait for him to be gone before calming down. You move farther into the cave and see there is already torches lit. Did they know you were coming? You shake your head confused. You see dry wood in the pile and realize someone actually stayed here recently.

“What the hell is going on?” You find a small cot with old blankets on it. You sit trying to digest everything that has happened since this morning. Loki’s distraught look when you were pushed is burned in your memory. You cry, realizing he is now alone. Who will wake him up on time? Will they know how he likes his food? Will they wash him properly? You’ve done it for so long now, you don’t think anyone else will do it right. Will Loki be happy with his wife? Will they have children? Will his wife accept who he is? Does he even know who he is? Your head snaps up when a sound approaches your cave. You shrink further onto the bed, hoping it will pass. What the fuck did you get yourself into? Today was such a normal day. Why didn’t you just take the offer of marrying a stranger and being content without love the rest of your miserable life? Sometimes you couldn’t believe how stubborn you really were! Your head is spinning as footsteps start toward you. “Hello?” You stand, unsure whether to expect a fight or not.

“King Laufey said you haven’t ate yet.” A frost giant sets down a plate on the floor. “He also wanted you to know that contact has been made.”

“How?” You sit in front of the food and start eating.

“Loki has gotten the message King Laufey sent with your hair.” You swallow hard.

“I’m your prisoner.” You blink in shock. You couldn’t believe how stupid you were for not seeing this sooner.

“Not quite, but Asgard needs to believe that.”

“They won’t come for me.” You grumble. “I’m a traitor.”

“One of them will.” You see the giant study your reaction.

“No, he won’t.” You frown.

“Don’t be so sure.” He leaves and you close your eyes.

“Heimdall, I know I have no right to ask, but please, tell me Loki isn’t coming here.” No response. “Please, I’m trying to protect him.” You beg quietly. “Don’t make him pay for my mistakes.” Still nothing. Tears run down your face as you realize just how helpless you really are. “Nothing will make this right. I’m so sorry, Loki.” You sit on your bed and wait for Loki to try to come after you.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki paces his room wringing his hands. How? How could the Jotuns know how he felt about you? Why do they want to set up a meeting? He looks down at the note on his bed with your hair next to it. Why didn’t they just kill you instantly, like the monsters he was told about? He must meet with them alone before they kill you, not that he would tell Thor about this if he could bring someone with him. Thor would side with Odin and you would die; he couldn’t let that happen. Loki has two days to travel there, but he has spent the first day cursing every name he could think of while in denial. He reread that note a thousand times hoping it wasn’t true. Loki has those chilling words memorized now, knowing you only have twenty-four hours to live. He can’t use the Bifrost, knowing Heimdall will be suspicious, but he has other ways of getting in and out of Asgard. But at what cost? Laufey didn’t name his price in the note. Will it be his life? An attack on Asgard? It didn’t matter, Loki couldn’t let you die alone in a dark and cold world even he fears. He swallows his pride and thinks about the slight his family wrongfully bestowed upon you. Once his mother found out he refused to leave his room or participate in the affairs he was assigned, she has been trying to locate you to knock some sense into him. Even now, though, Loki couldn’t go to her with this information, remembering the last time he trusted his mother. Loki looks around one last time before grabbing your hair. He whispers a spell into it and soon finds himself on a snowy cliff. As he takes in his surroundings, frost giants approach him, cutting off any means of escape. “You got our message I see.” Loki glares up at Laufey.

“Where is she?” He yells. Laufey smirks before walking slowly to a cave and peers in.

“(Y/n), you have a visitor.” Your heart leaps into your throat, knowing by Laufey’s tone it’s Loki. You run out of the cave and see the prince staring at you.

“Loki!” You try to run to him, but Laufey waves his hand and you freeze in place.

“Release her, she’s done nothing wrong!” Loki looks at you with a mixture of relief and worry. “I will do anything.”

“Loki, no—” Laufey waves his hand again and you suddenly can’t speak. You struggle against the magic hold, but in vain.

“(Y/n), I have let you pay for my sins for far too long.” He looks at you with so much pain, you feel your chest constrict. No, this was your fault, only your fault, not his. “What do you want in exchange?” Loki glares at the king of the Jotuns.

“The Casket of Ancient Winters back where it belongs, here.” Loki’s breath hitches. There’s no way he could sneak that out of Asgard.

“What if I could get you into Asgard, undetected?” He bargains. You shake your head desperately. “You can take your power yourself.”

“We haven’t held its power for so long.” Loki hears the yearning in Laufey’s voice. “You have a deal, Odinson.” You close your eyes sadly. “Come back with a plan, and you may have her.”

“Thank you.” Loki runs to you. “I’m here now.” He pulls you to his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You feel Laufey’s spell release you and you wrap your arms around his neck. “You’ll be safe, I promise.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.” You feel his hands in your short hair and you try to stay focused. “Please, Loki, just let me die. Don’t do this.”

“Absolutely not.” Loki tightens his grip before pressing you against his body painfully. He doesn’t know how he will be able to let you go. Part of him is relieved you are alive. The other fears for what’s to come, where would you go if he succeeds? Odin would kill you if you ever step foot in Asgard again, but he can’t leave Asgard as their prince. Maybe you two were just never meant to be? But, then why does he feel so strongly about you? Why is his favorite thing to do is watch you sew or read or cook? “I shouldn’t have told my mother how I feel about you. I have learned my lesson.”

“So, she wasn’t lying?” You look up at his face, trying to find some sort of mischief or lie there. You try not to get your hopes up, but damn, you want to hear him say those three words. You feel the tears run down your face, knowing you two have to part soon. “Loki, don’t do this for me.”

“Hush, darling.” Loki cups your cheek. “I will find a way for us to be together, but I must go now.” He smirks at you before leaving, making you miss him in your arms immediately. As soon as Loki has left, Laufey starts clapping.

“Excellent performance, (Y/n).” You turn your head away in shame. Most of what you said was true. “He will be back, just to save you.”

“And if he doesn’t?” You look at Laufey, knowing Loki will return, too stubborn to listen to your warnings.

“We will kill you.” You nod your head and walk back into your cave.

“Damn it, Loki.” You glare at nothing in particular. “What the hell are you thinking?” You’re frustrated he’s being more stubborn than usual, but you’re more angry with yourself. “How did we get here?” You fear what will happen if Odin finds out Loki’s plan, and this time you won’t be able to save him.


	5. Chapter 5

You have been in Jotunheim for a week now, not sure what to do. The other frost giants still distrust you, but have stopped glaring and actually started kind of accepting you. You can walk freely, eat with them, even joke. They may be serious creatures, but they still have a social order. To your surprise Laufey talks to you everyday as well. “Any word from Loki?” You ask, as you do every time.

“No, not yet.” You swallow as the anxiety you feel slowly builds with each passing day. Maybe he actually listened to you and decided not to bring them to Asgard? You secretly pray he abandoned the deal, but you know Loki is too stubborn for that.

“Is it possible Odin found out and—”

“No, my spies would have told me.”

“Okay.” You look out at the mountains and sit on the edge of the cliff.

“Do you think it’s wise to sit so close to the edge?” Laufey raises his eyebrows.

“Probably not,” you shrug. Somehow Laufey doesn’t expect, or want, a formal relationship with you. Everything is very casual. “How long does Loki have until you kill me?”

“One more week.” He frowns down at you.

“Okay.” You’ve given up worrying about it. At this point, you doubt Laufey would even kill you. He would probably just keep you as a slave of some sort instead until you become useful again.

“Good thing I have a solution.” You both turn at Loki’s voice.

“Shit, you scared me!” You yell. “You need to stop sneaking up on people!” The other frost giants have surrounded him and you stand. Laufey smirks down at him.

“Do you know how to get us in there?” You look between the two of them.

“Not yet, but I have a date for when you could.” Laufey grabs your neck and dangles you off the cliff. “No, I have a plan!” Loki stares at you wide eyed. You choke and try to hold onto Laufey’s arm for air.

“You come with no plan, hoping I would release her early?” Laufey smirks. “I guess I could let her go now…” Your heart leaps into your throat as you feel his grip relax and you start slipping.

“No, I-I do.” He loses all composure, he was going to try to get more out of the deal, but seeing you dangling… The mask he had on was gone and replaced with desperation. “Here.” Loki sets down two orbs. “They will cloak you into the weapons’ vault undetected; that’s where the casket is.” Laufey lowers you to the ground and you gasp for air.

“Good job, boy.” He looks down at you and then at Loki. “Show me how to use one so I know this isn’t a trick.” Loki pulls out a third orb and activates it. You watch as he temporarily disappears.

“It only works for ten minutes before needing to recharge, so move quickly.” Loki reappears. “In three days, my brother’s coronation will happen, then everyone will be too distracted to notice two frost giants sneaking in and stealing the casket.”

“Very good.” Laufey smiles and takes the orbs from the ground. “You’re free to go.” Loki moves toward you. “Not her, yet.”

“The deal was I gave you a plan to get into Asgard for her.” Laufey looks at you. Loki looks like he’s going to be sick. “You’re fond of her?” Your eyes widen.

“Loki, don’t be ridiculous.” You wave the idea away. “Of course he doesn’t. I’m part of the race that took their power away.” But deep down you weren’t so sure. The way Laufey is so informal around you makes your skin crawl, but you grin and bear it.

“Then why won’t he release you, just as our deal said?” You look to Laufey for an explanation.

“Fine, take the girl.” Laufey waves his hand dismissively. You frown, knowing there’s more. Loki doesn’t wait and grabs your arm before dragging you through some mysterious portal he found. You have a feeling it won’t be the last time you see the giant. You’re back in Asgard, but Loki frowns.

“Loki, I shouldn’t be here.” You grip his wrist tightly.

“I’m sending you to Midgard.”

“Why?”

“You will fit better with them.”

“Are you coming too?” You look into his eyes.

“No, my place is here.” He sees the tears run down your face.

“No it’s not.” You swallow the hopelessness building inside you. “Please, Loki, come with me while you can.”

“I can’t my love.” Loki pulls you into a sweet, slow kiss. You felt like you could stay there forever, just in his arms with his lips against yours. “I will never forget you.”

“No,” you shake your head sobbing. “No, you can’t leave me again!”

“You can’t stay here either!” You push past him to enter the portal that leads you to Jotunheim. “(Y/n)!”

“You can’t kiss me and tell me you love me, and then abandon me in a different realm again!” You taste your tears on your lips. “Loki, I can’t stay here and I am not going to Midgard without you.” You sigh and look at him sadly. “If you don’t love me and I’m supposed to end up alone, I’m going back to Jotunheim.”

“Why?” Loki grabs your arm. “They’re monsters!”

“They are not! They have their ways like Asgard.”

“Don’t you dare compare them to Asgard!” He yells.

“We are no better than them!” You yell back. Your argument attracted the guards’ attentions and you are forced to your knees.

“Traitor of Asgard, you will pay for your sins.” They chain you.

“So be it.” You glare at Loki. “Mark my words, Loki. You are more like Laufey than you could ever know.” They lead you away to the cells as Loki stands there stunned. His emotions are running through him so quickly, he can hardly identify them. Loki runs to find his mother, hoping he won’t be too late to save you from death.


	6. Chapter 6

Loki finds his mother in the garden. “Mother, you must release (Y/n) at once!”

“Oh, did she find her way back?” She looks at her son sadly. “You know I cannot stop her execution then.”

“Mother, I brought her back!” He grabs her wrists in a panic. “Please, she is innocent and I only wanted her safe!”

“Then you shouldn’t have brought her back here, Loki.” Frigga sighs. “Only your father can stop it.” Loki shakes his head desperately.

“He won’t stop it, no matter what I say!”

“Maybe he would, you must try if you care about her.”

Loki quickly finds Odin in the throne room. “Father, I’ve come to speak about (Y/n).”

“Not this again.” He groans. “Loki, she set foot on Asgard when she knew the punishment for doing so. I will not stop it.”

“Please, father, I brought her back here against her own will! She tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen!”

“Loki,” Odin closes his eyes, frustrated. “No.”

“I will do  _anything._ ” Loki begs. “Just let her go to Midgard.”

He looks down at Loki, begging for your life. “Why Midgard?”

“They are similar to us. She had have a fresh start.” Loki whispers.

“Are you sure you are willing to do anything for this?” Odin stands.

“Yes,” Loki chokes. He doesn’t know how much time you have left. “Just let her live.”

“Very well.” Odin sits back down and eyes his son with suspicion. “You will marry Astra in exchange for (Y/n)’s life. Do we have a deal?”

Loki can’t force himself to meet his father’s eye. Of course, he will be miserable with her, because she’s not you, but at least you will be alive. “Yes, I swear to marry Astra.” Loki gives up his freedom to his father’s will for you.

“Good, (Y/n) will stay a prisoner on Asgard until her death.” Odin glares at his son.

“But, father!” Loki tries to argue.

“Enough, we’re done discussing this. Now go find Astra and get to know your future wife.” Loki swallows nervously before bowing.

“Yes father.”

You pace your cell, waiting for the date of your execution. You feel anger towards Loki for the first time in your life and you don’t know what to do about it. You’ve already punched multiple holes in the floor, but nothing is relieving this anger. “It seems you still have a friend here after all.” One of the guards stops at your cell and mocks you. “You will not be executed.”

“Then what will become of me?” You glare at him.

“You are to be a prisoner of this cell until your death. Get comfortable!” He laughs and walks away. You groan.

“Asshole.” You slump in the corner exhausted. Fuck it. You have plenty of time to think of a way to escape.

“I’m sorry.” You turn and glare at Loki.

“You should have left me on Jotunheim, at least there I could walk around.” You cross your arms. “What did you agree to in order to spare my life?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Okay,” you shrug. “It’s not like I care.”

“Do you think this was easy for me to do?” Loki glares at you. “You should have just went to Midgard, no arguments!”

“I should have done a lot of things!” You yell. “Starting with never even admitting my feelings for you!”

“Then you should be happy to know that I am to wed Lady Astra.” Loki hisses.

“Good, I’m glad you found someone so quickly.” You spat.

“Why did I even think to give up my freedom for you?”

“I could not answer that question myself!”

“Goodbye, (Y/n).” Loki walks away and you start crying. Damn him. He knows how much it pains you to know he will be with someone else. Loki knows how hard it is for you to stay here. Loki hadn’t really left. He transformed into a small fly and stayed watching you. Loki saw your tears start as you desperately wiped them away. His heart yearns to just appear in your cell and pull you to his chest. The sounds of utter defeat ring the air as you release every emotion you’ve felt in the last few weeks. Loki watches, hoping you will calm down. But, you don’t for hours. You cry until your throat is raw and you can’t make a sound anymore. Loki sees the agonizing expression still on your face as, even silently, you try to let go of the pain. He almost feels like death would have been a mercy for you and feels he caused you more torture than he realized. Loki leaves quickly after that, not being able to watch you any further as he searches for his betrothed. He finds her on a balcony over looking Asgard. “Lady Astra, I do not mean to interrupt.” She jumps a little, but curtsies.

“You’re not, my prince.” She doesn’t meet his eyes. Loki sighs.

“I’m sure you’ve already heard—”

“Yes,” she blushes. “But, I’m afraid I must decline your offer.”

“Why?” Panic rises in Loki’s chest. If she declines, what will happen to you?

“Because, you still love  _her_.” Astra finally meets his eyes with a sad expression. “Loki, I understand why you are doing this, but I cannot accept this false marriage. I’m sorry.” Loki takes her soft hand into his.

“I understand, my lady.” He kisses her knuckles lightly as his heart pounds loudly. “Go, find someone that deserves your understanding.” She blushes and curtsies before walking away. He runs to his father after she left. “She declined my offer of marriage.” Loki is breathless. “What else can I do?”

“You can’t do anything more, Loki.” Odin frowns down at his son. “She has tainted your name and will be executed the night of Thor’s coronation.”

“No…” Loki falls to his knees in front of his father. “Please, spare her.”

“I cannot.” Odin stands and leaves the throne, leaving Loki on his knees praying you will find a way to escape before then.


	7. Chapter 7

“So, now I’m going to die?” You roll your eyes at the guard that was mocking you. “You guys need to make up your mind or I will for you.” Loki appears and whispers something to the guard. He leaves and Loki looks up at you apologetically. You cross your arms, not in the mood to deal with him. “What do you want now?”

“To tell you I have tried everything I could to stop this from happening.” You sit close to the golden wall near him. “Astra denied my proposal, so you are to die for it.”

“I see.” You don’t meet his eyes. “You should go.”

“Not until you tell me you have a plan of escape.” You shake your head. What does it matter now? “I will find a way to save you.” He reaches out his hand, but then retracts it. “I swear it.”

“Don’t.” Your throat constricts and the tears come again. “Don’t swear anything. Don’t get my hopes up again.” You stand and turn from him. “Don’t make me believe you care about me.”

“But, I do—”

“No, you don’t!” You yell as you face him, your eyes piercing his. “If you had, you would have pulled me to your side at night or in the morning. If you had, I would actually be guilty of the crime I’m going to die for.” You close your eyes as the fight in you leaves. “Instead I will die an innocent, wishing I was guilty because at least I would have those memories to hold on to.” Loki swallows before looking around. When he notices it’s just the two of you he teleports into your cell. “Loki!” You jump. “What? No, you can’t do this!”

“Yes, I can.” He pulls you to his chest. “And I wish I did give you those memories, but I will make it up to you now, if you’ll allow me.” His lips graze your neck and you close your eyes. “After I please you, I will help you escape.” You bite your lip in thought.

“Loki, not while everyone can see.” You whisper.

“Of course not!” He looks down at you shocked. “Trust me, darling.”

“I trust you.” You hold onto his waist and close your eyes. You feel wind rushing past you before sudden silence. “Loki?”

“Open your eyes love.” He kisses you gently. You see his room, just as before. “Let me ravish you in the way I always should have.” His lips find your shoulder and you gasp. “Not used to this, darling?” You hear his smirk in his voice.

“Shut up.” You whisper. Loki kisses your neck lightly, causing a moan to escape.

“Darling (Y/n), don’t you know you are the only one I dream about?” He pulls your clothes off quickly before staring at you with lust. “I need you beneath me.” Loki pushes you to the bed before kissing your stomach. His fingers tease you gently. You gasp before sighing with pleasure. “Oh, my dear, you’re so wet.” He nips at your ear. “I can’t wait to taste you.” Your eyes widen.

“Loki, you don’t have to!” You couldn’t imagine asking him to do that for you. It would imply you were his equal. “You are above that.”

“(Y/n).” His voice is stern, which turns you on more. “Would you really deny your prince of the sweetness he craves?” You swallow nervously.

“I-I wouldn’t deny him anything, but—” Loki cuts you off with a kiss.

“But, nothing.” He holds one finger to your lips. “I crave to taste you, and I will have what I crave.”

“Y-yes, my prince.” You whisper.

“Good.” His hands keep your legs spread as he tests how sensitive you are to his tongue. Turns out, you’re pretty damn sensitive. You gasp at first before he has you screaming his name in the next moment.

“Fuck, Loki!” You are blinded by pleasure as the tears run down your face. You’re not sexually experienced, but Loki loves that about you. He could make you cum multiple times before his own release. He cleans you up and watches you try to catch your breath.

“My dear, I’m sorry if I over stimulated you.” Loki smirks, making you well aware he’s not really sorry.

“More, Loki…” You moan. “I need more…”

“More? Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Loki looks at you concerned.

“No!” You dip your hand down and palm his erection through his pants. “I need to return the favor.”

“(Y/n)…” He’s caught off guard by your brazen behavior. “Fine…” He rips his own clothes off before laying on you gently. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Your heart pounds against your chest and you swear he could feel it.

“This is my first time.” You whisper, ashamed by how silly you are compared to him.

“I will be gentle.” He kisses you softly. “Let me know if it’s too much.”

“I promise.” Loki swallows nervously before slowly entering you, allowing you to adjust to his size. There is some pain, but it’s minor compared to how amazing he felt in you. “Loki…” You sigh against his chest. He smiles at you, glad he hasn’t really hurt you yet as he quickens the pace. You feel your body tense and you bite your lip to stay quiet.

“Darling, I vow to be yours forever.” You look into his eyes and see something you don’t recognize.

“Loki?” You touch his face gently.

“I love you, (Y/n), with all my heart.” You reach your second orgasm and scream. Loki stifles it with his hand quickly, but knowing you scream for him is enough to drive him to his own climax. He collapses onto you, breathing heavily.

“I vow to be only yours.” You murmur. You know he probably won’t come with you again. “Do you plan on staying here?”

“I don’t know.” Suddenly the alarm sounds and you jump.

“Prisoner (Y/n) has escaped. She is dangerous. Kill on sight.” The voice booms overhead. Loki snaps his fingers and you are dressed next to him.

“Time to go, darling.” You are pulled up and Loki presses you against his chest tightly. You hear an ancient chant being whispered in your ear, but you keep your eyes closed. You find yourself back in Jotunheim with Loki’s arms around you. “Can you trust Laufey?” Loki asks you worriedly.

“So you would not be staying?” You feel tears in your eyes.

“No, I will not. I’m going to try to clear your reputation on Asgard.” You kiss him gently.

“I will miss you.” You smile sadly.

“I will return.” He smirks. Loki leads me to Laufey, who’s sitting on his throne deep in the mountain. “I would like to ask a favor, in return I will open a portal into Asgard for you.” Laufey raises his eyebrows. He wasn’t expecting this. “Protect her, and you have a spy in the house of Odin.” Loki keeps eye contact with him. “But don’t you dare touch her.” You’re looking between the men worriedly. Loki won’t exactly know if Laufey keeps his word or not.

“You have a deal, prince of Asgard.” Laufey smirks. You take a deep breath. “With more information, this should be easier.” Loki turns to you.

“Everything I do is for us.” You frown at him.

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

He chuckles. “I promise.” Loki kisses you one last time. “I promise to return to you.” He leaves and you’re left alone with Laufey and his men.

“Such sentiment.” He stands and approaches you. “You really have a hold on him.”

“Unfortunately, he’s still going to do stupid shit when I’m not there.” You look up at him and sigh. “This isn’t even the worst situation I’ve been in yet.”

“Really?” Laufey listens to you carefully.

“Asgard now wants to kill me.” You shrug. “They can’t make up their minds on what to do with me.”

“So, that’s why the son of Odin has brought you back. The one place Asgardians don’t travel to.”

“Yeah.” You smile sadly. “Thank you for this arrangement.”

“Your previous cave is still empty if you still want it.”

“Thank you, I will take that offer.” You walk out of his throne room, trying not to think about when you’ll see Loki again.


	8. Chapter 8

You completely forgot about the plan for the few frost giants to sneak back into Asgard. Loki came right on time. After seeing Laufey he came to you. “(Y/n), how are you? Is everything okay?” You hug him tightly. You wanted to yell at him and tell him everything is not okay because he wasn’t there with you.

“I’m fine. Everything is fine.” You smile. He kisses you gently.

“Soon, we will be together, on Asgard.”

“Can’t we just go to Midgard? Or stay here even?” You plead with him.

“Here?” Loki looks at you shocked. “No, never.”

“Then Midgard, please, Loki, let’s give up on trying to make Asgard accept us.” You keep him close. “Please.”

“No.” He pulls you into a rough kiss. “I will be back.” You watch him leave you again and you sit on the cot.

“Damn it.” You try not to cry. “Why won’t he listen?”

“It seems my son is a little too stubborn for his own good.” You turn and see Laufey there.

“Yeah, so it seems.” You smile sadly. “He doesn’t like to give up anything.”

“I can’t tell if he got that from Asgard or me.” Laufey sits next to you. You touch his knee appreciatively.

“Thank you, for letting me stay until he sees reason.”

“He is never going to see reason.” You laugh.

“You already know him well.” You sigh. “What will happen when you get the casket back?”

“I try not to think about it yet. I don’t want to get my hopes up.” You nod. “You can go to Midgard without him, you know.”

“Yes, but they will find me quickly if I go alone.” You lean against the wall. “How the hell did I get into this mess?”

Laufey chuckles. “We think that at some point in our lives.” He pauses before looking at me. “I’ve been thinking, maybe I should tell him he’s my son.”

“He wouldn’t believe you.” You frown. “Why would you want to start that fight?”

“If Odin wants a peace treaty, a new alliance, my son would marry you.” Laufey shrugs. “He’s the only son I have.” You look down.

“Loki wouldn’t believe you if you tried.”

“I know.” He looks down. “So I came up with a new plan.”

“And that is?” You look at him worriedly.

“You and I marry in order to form an alliance.” Your stomach drops, but you still knew it was coming in the back of your mind.

“You’re only mentioning this because you’ve already discussed it with Odin.”

“I have.”

“Then do I really have a choice?” You look away.

“Not if you stay here.” Laufey stands and leaves for you to think about his proposal. “You have a week to decide.” You don’t acknowledge his words. You wait until he’s gone to cry.

“Loki, where the hell are you?” You look at the ceiling. “I’m going to have to go to Midgard and take my chances.” You close your eyes. “Forgive me Loki.” You stand and walk out to find Laufey and his men surrounding Thor, Loki, the warriors three, and Sif. “Fuck.” You watch in horror from above as they begin to fight. Laufey looks at you apologetically. If Loki dies in this, there will be nothing either of you can do. One of the frost giants grabs Loki’s hand and his arm turns blue. Loki and the giant stare at it before he kills him. His arm turns back to normal and he searches frantically for you. “Loki!” You call. He spots you and starts climbing to get to you. “Loki, are you okay?” You hold him close.

“What was that?” You bite your lip. “Do you know?”

“Yes,” you swallow. “You’re Laufey’s son. I don’t know how Odin found you or why he brought you to Asgard, but you’re a frost giant, Loki. You’re the heir of the frost giants.”

“You lie!” But he knows you aren’t.

“Loki, please, I’ve known—”

“How long?!” Loki glares at you.

“Since arriving here for my exile.” You try to touch his face. “Loki, it wasn’t my place to tell you.”

“Don’t touch me!” He pushes you away. “To think I trusted you!”

“Loki!” You grab his shoulders. He transforms into a frost giant, but you don’t back down. “You think you can scare me away? I’ve lived with them for over a week now! They don’t scare me. You don’t scare me!” You pull him into a deep kiss. “Now, stop being a drama queen and understand that I love you more than anything in this world and that’s why I chose to be exiled!”

“You chose to be exiled?” He stares at you with his red eyes.

“Yes, damn it, it was either that or marry the first man that proposed to me that wasn’t you!” Loki blinks shocked. “I couldn’t stay on a planet with you married to someone else, while I was miserable in my own loveless marriage, so I left hoping you could forget about me as your parents wished it!” You have hot tears streaming down your face now. “Damn it, just, lets run away to Midgard together and forget about all of this!”

“I need answers.” Loki looks at you sadly. “I’m sorry.” He turns back to normal and leaves you alone. Your heart shatters and you shake your head.

“Did you think about my proposal?” Laufey saw the fight between the two of you.

“Yes, and I’m afraid I must decline.” You look at him sadly. “I’m going to Midgard.”


	9. Chapter 9

Loki returns a few days later to Jotunheim, expecting to bring you home and pardon your false crimes now that he is acting as king. “(Y/n)?” He checks your cave, but doesn’t find you. Loki looks around not understanding why he can’t find you on this planet. He decides he has to ask Laufey.  “Where’s (Y/n)?” Loki glares at him. “What have you done with her?”

“Our races are at war and you’re worried about one woman who you don’t even respect enough to listen to?” His biological father grins. “She tried telling you the truth, but you scorn and toss her away like she is nothing.”

“I love her!” Loki yells.

“If you did, you would have left with her to Midgard where it would have been safe.” Laufey studies his son. “Instead you left her here out of your own arrogance. You abandoned her without her knowing if you would return or not. (Y/n) had to make a decision and you proved you didn’t trust her.”

“No, I didn’t.” He growls.

“I saw her heart break when you left and proposed a solution that would keep her safe from you and Asgard for the rest of her life, but she declined and left Jotunheim permanently.”

“Where did she go?” Loki looks up at him. “Tell me!”

“Are you going to try to drag her back to Asgard?”

“Of course! It’s where she belongs!” Laufey raises his eyebrows.

“Then I will not tell you, foolish boy.”

“Why not?” Loki gets up close to him.

“Because the moment you drag her back she will be executed. Because she doesn’t want to live on Asgard. Because she never asked you for anything except safety, yet you have denied her time and again.” Laufey glares at him. “She just wants to be safe. She was hoping you would allow that much for her, to give into that small request. But, it seems you didn’t learn. Two times she comes here and yet you don’t seem to understand she could have died by the weather alone, not to mention if I decided to betray you and kill her. She willingly risked her life for yours.”

“You will tell me where she is!” Loki yells.

“Leave, before I kill you.” Laufey turns and walks away, leaving Loki hopeless. He runs back to Asgard, trying to figure out where you are.

* * *

You land in the middle of a park. People stare at you concerned. Well, to be fair, you did just fall out of the sky. “Show us your hands!” Someone shouts at you. You are surrounded by different people in black suits with guns. You slowly raise your hands to eye level, fear evident in your eyes. What’s going to happen?

“State your name!”

“(Y/n).” You shout. The people handcuff you and you’re lead to a tinted car. You’re shoved into the back seat and see a man with an eyepatch.

“I understand you are an alien.” You frown.

“I come from Asgard.”

“Are you hostile?” The man frowns back at you.

“No, I just seek safety.” You look him in the eye.

“Are there others coming after you?” He squints.

“Not that I know of.” You keep your breathing even.

“Are you a soldier?”

“No, but I can become one.” The man nods and the car stops.

“Let’s see what you’re capable of, (Y/n).” He uncuffs you. “I’m Director Fury and I will test to see if you can stay or not.”

“I understand.” You shake his hand firmly before following him out of the car. You see a strange boat waiting for the two of you.

“Welcome to SHIELD, Agent (Y/n).” Your stomach flips in anticipation as you board the boat behind him, hoping you will pass his tests. Luckily Loki’s training from Asgard when he insisted you learned out to defend yourself has paid off. Maybe he was good for something. You’re breathing hard, after navigating a labyrinth while fighting off other agents. “What can you tell me about this Asgard?”

“Why do you want to know?” You look at him warily.

“An Asgardian landed here a few days ago. We believe he is also harmless, but he is exceedingly strong.” Your breath gets caught in your throat. Has Loki really found you? “He calls himself Thor.”

You smile. “Oh, he defends and doesn’t attack unless provoked, a little arrogant though.”

“So, he is also not hostile?”

“I see no reason why he would be. I just don’t understand why he’s here. He should be back on Asgard, learning to be king.”

“King?” Fury looks at you interested.

“He’s a prince of Asgard.” You shrug.

“I’m taking you to him.” Fury starts walking away.

“That may not be the best idea.” You try to stop him.

“Why not?” The man squints.

“I was banished from Asgard, for making his brother fall in love with me. I’m sure he hates me and blames me for his brother’s reckless behavior.” Fury nods.

“Best not to provoke him.” He stills walks away. “We will send a different agent then. Come, there’s someone you need to meet.” You frown as he gets into a plane.

“Where are we going?”

“Back to New York.” You strap in, nervous about flying.

“Who are we meeting?”

“Heads of a new agenda I’ve been working on, I’m hoping you have information on a particular item we found frozen here.” You frown, doubtful you have the answers he seeks.


	10. Chapter 10

As you suspected, you had no answers. You’ve never seen that blue cube before in your life. “What is it?”

“We were hoping you would be able to tell us.” Fury looks at you.

“I’ve never seen this in my life, sorry.” You shrug. “What’s it called?”

“The tesseract.” He glares at it. “We will keep having our scientists work on it.” You nod. “Now, you must see the physician to have certain tests run. We need to have a medical record of everyone.” You nod and he shows you to the doctor’s office. “Another agent will come by to show you to your quarters.

You sit nervously, not knowing what tests they want. They draw some blood, take some urine, and even some stool? You couldn’t imagine why they would need that. They also swab your mouth and privates. You feel extremely uncomfortable with the whole thing. “We will have the results in a few hours.” She smiles at me. “I believe the agent is waiting out there for you.”

“Thank you.” You’re exhausted having travelled for several days before finding a sufficient energy source for travel to Midgard. You see a man in all black with his arms crossed waiting for you.

“Agent (Y/n), do you not have a last name?” You shrug. Everyone didn’t really address people by their parent name on Asgard. “I’m Agent Barton. I will show you were you’ll be staying.”

“Thank you.” You follow him down a lot of hallways. “What’s a typical day here?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what Director Fury is planning for you.” He eyes you suspiciously. “We haven’t let an alien in as an agent before you.”

“I see.” You open your door. “Well, I guess it will be a surprise.” You enter the small room and smile. It’s bare, with one bed and a closet. This is something you’re very much comfortable with. You lay on your bed, not bothering to change and fall asleep in peace for the first time in weeks.

* * *

 Loki is bound to a rock as the children of Thanos torture him. He’s trying to think of you to ease his pain, but it’s not working. “You want to find (Y/n), right?” The purple giant grins down at him.

“How do you know her name?” Loki glares.

“You say it in your sleep, apologizing for past sins.” One of his children slowly stabs him with a spear of metal. Loki cries out in pain. “She’s on Midgard, about to find out a surprise.”

“What-what are you talking about?” Loki gets out through gritted teeth.

“You want to see her again, right?” Thanos ignores his question. “Bring me the tesseract and you can live with her happily there, without seeing me ever again.”

“And if I refuse?” Loki is breathing heavily, but he doesn’t want to team up with this guy, not understanding his full plan yet.

“I’ll torture her. I’ll kill her slowly before your eyes as you’re forced to watch the life leave her eyes. The last thing she will see is you not helping her, your ultimate betrayal.” He grins.

“Fine.” Loki growls. “Just don’t touch her.”

“Glad to have you on my side, build up your strength. You’ll need it.” Thanos and his children leave as Loki falls to the ground, released from his bonds.

“(Y/n), forgive me.” He closes his eyes and sees the look of hurt in yours. “You were right.”

* * *

“What do you mean I’m pregnant?” You frown as the voice gives you this unexpected news.

“Well, were you sexually active before arriving?” The nurse on the other side drawls.

“Once,” you hiss. “It’s possible the test is faulty.”

“That’s true, come back in a few weeks and we will take another sample.”

“Alright.” You hang up the phone and slump onto your bed. When the phone rang with your results, interrupting your nap, you weren’t expecting this. “Damn it, Loki!” You glare at the ceiling. “This is not what I need right now.” A knock on the door makes you groan. You open it and see Director Fury there, frowning. “Seems they shared that information with you too?”

“Yes, who’s the father?”

“That doesn’t matter.” You glare at him.

“Yes, it does if he tries to come to Earth looking for you.” Fury crosses his arms.

“Loki, Thor’s younger brother.” You sigh. “He isn’t coming for me, that much I know.” You walk and sit on your bed with your head in your hands. “Gods, I was so stupid.”

“We can try to make contact with him, to tell him.”

“No!” You snap your head up and glare. “No, he will hate this child. Don’t you tell him.”

“Why would he hate his child?”

“His-his past is complicated.” You whisper. “He’s a frost giant, under disguise as Asgardian unknowingly. He just found out his true parentage and he loathes it. Frost giants are something Asgardians fear. Families scare their children with the stories. Loki hates himself and he will hate any child he has because they will be frost giant as well.”

“So, he’s going to hate your child, because he hates himself?”

“Yes.” You chuckle. “It’s very stupid, but it’s the truth.” You stand. “But, I’m pretty sure it’s not true that I’m pregnant, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“We will not take any chances.” Fury glares at you. “Not until the test is done in a few days, until then you are to learn the layout of headquarters and no strenuous training.”

“Yes, sir.” You sigh. “If I had known…”

“I know.” He leaves your room and you swallow.

Sitting down on your bed again you curse Loki. How could you really be that stupid? How could you have trusted him? You curl up and look at your abdomen. “I hope to gods it’s not true.”


	11. Chapter 11

You found the results from the second test to be the same as the first. “Damn it Loki!” You glare at the wall. Of all the things that could happen, why this? You sigh, trying to calm down. Fury said the option of abortion is available, but you felt guilty about terminating the only thing you had left from Loki. “We’ll survive.” You rub your abdomen nervously. You see the night sky out the window and wonder where Loki is. “Would you even be happy?” You whisper. “Or would you hate me even more?” You look down and the tears spill down your cheeks. Whatever happens you cannot let him know. You would even lie and say it’s someone else’s and then… You take a deep breath. “You’re getting ahead of yourself, (Y/n)” You start smiling, letting go of the fear and uncertainty of the future for a brief moment. “At least I’m not alone anymore.” You allow yourself to open your heart to the love you already feel for the unborn child. “Here it’s okay to not have a spouse, though it  _is_  frowned upon.” You start talking to yourself quietly.

“I don’t mean to interrupt.” You jump and turn to see Agent Barton there.

“No, you weren’t interrupting.” You blush from embarrassment. “How can I help you?”

“Director Fury wants you to practice shooting at least, since it strains the least on your body.” You nod.

“Sounds like a plan.” You follow him to the shooting range. He is surprised how good of a shot you were.

“Have you had training before?”

“Not with guns.” You look at him curiously. “Throwing daggers, swords, spears, hand-to-hand combat, but not guns.”

“Impressive.” Barton nods. You shrug. Frankly, you thought guns were easier. All you have to do is aim and not use very much strength. “So, are you still mad about…” He motions to your abdomen.

You take a deep breath. “It’s not ideal right now, but no. I am glad I am not alone anymore.” You smile excitedly. “I will try to care for them as much as possible.”

“I’m sure you will.” He’s one of the only agents willing to give you a chance.

“I just hope their father doesn’t find us.” You look away sadly. “I don’t know what I will say if he does.”

“If he wants to be there, shouldn’t you let him?” Barton lays his hand on your shoulder.

“I fear he will hate them, since they will have part of his race in them.” You frown. “I want to protect them from him.”

“If you must protect him from them, you must believe we have your back.” You look at him surprised. “You’re one of us now and we protect each other.”

You smile. “Thank you.” You follow him to the cafeteria in the building. You go and buy your own food and sit alone, as you always do. Agents still eye you with suspicion and whisper. You ignore them. You were used to this kind of treatment on Asgard, given your odd relationship with Loki. You eat your food quickly before taking your tray to the trash. You find your way to your room and read up on the policies and procedures of SHIELD. They can be so anal sometimes. You sigh after a few hours and look out the window. You hate yourself for missing Loki. After everything he’s done, you still wish he was here next to you, for better or worse.

Loki tries to sense you on Midgard, but it’s like you’re purposefully hiding from him. He’s trained harder than he ever has, trying to please Thanos. If he’s pleased, he won’t harm you. “What was the surprising news (Y/n) received?” Loki tries to ask him again. Thanos smirks.

“I figure it’s alright to tell you now that she knows.” Loki looks up at him worriedly. Are you sick? Slowly dying? “She’s pregnant.” Loki’s jaw drops. “Weren’t expecting that, I see.”

“H-how? We are two different races!” He swallows.

“How do you know it’s yours?” Thanos plants the seed of doubt in Loki’s mind.

“It can only be mine.” He growls up at him, but he questions it himself. You two only had sex once, the likelihood of that one time producing an offspring from two different races was so miniscule. Loki’s mind travels back to how he left you alone and defenseless on Jotunheim. Did Laufey do something to you? Did he not protect you the way he was supposed to? He can’t get the image of his biological father raping you repeatedly out of his mind, all while he was on Asgard thinking you were safe. Loki had the sudden urge to find you and force you to tell him the truth. “When can I go find her?”

“Not yet, you’re not ready.” Thanos grins, knowing what he’s done.

“I need to find her.” Loki demands.

“I said not yet,  _god_.” He mocks Loki. “Seek out her energy if you want to watch over her. But that’s all you’re allowed to do right now.” Loki closes his eyes frustrated. He put all of his energy into remembering your scent, your form, your smile, until he was sure you were right in front of him. Soon anxiety washes over him, too strong for him to control. Loki realizes he’s feeling what you’re feeling. He sees through your eyes and your hands are on your abdomen protectively.

“Don’t worry, dear.” Loki hears your whisper. “I will be both mother and father to you. Nothing will harm you.” He feels the love you feel for your child take over and spread like a warm fire in his veins. “I promise to protect you from everyone, including your father.” Loki frowns. Why would you need to protect your child from him if he was the father? That means Laufey had to be the father! Loki breaks concentration and notices the tears streaming down his face. How could he be so stupid? He strikes his fists into the ground frustrated. Of course he shouldn’t have trusted them with you! Loki wishes he could turn back time and take your offer to leave Asgard. He wants nothing more than to be with you and have that child growing in you be his.

“How can I face her?” Loki blames himself. “She must hate me for what I’ve done to her.”


	12. Chapter 12

You start showing a few months into your pregnancy. You’ve fully embraced the trials of having Loki’s baby. The morning sickness is an unending tidal wave of nausea. Agent Barton is the only one that is trying to help. “I’m pregnant, not dying.” You argue with him, insisting you don’t need to see the doctor yet.

“(Y/n), this isn’t a normal pregnancy.” Barton tries to urge you. “This is only going to get worse.”

“I will be fine, but thank you.” You smile at him. He frowns at your pale form.

“At least try to eat something.” You suddenly feel a cramp shoot through your abdomen and you gasp. “(Y/n)?” Barton looks at you concerned.

“Something’s wrong.” You have tears in your eyes as the pain worsens.

“Come on!” Barton scoops you up into his arms before running to the doctor.

“Something is wrong.” You explain to the worried doctor. Barton lays you on the medical bed. “Am I going to lose it?” You cry.

“I don’t know.” Barton stays at your head, trying to comfort you. The doctors work near your other end. You feel something sticky coat your thighs. “Just look at me.” Your eyes are already closed.

“I want Loki!” You cry. As stupid as it sounded, you felt his presence with you. “Please, Loki, I am losing them!” You feel panic overtake you. “Loki, where the hell are you?” The pain intensifies, but you’re scared to look.

“It’s going to be okay, (Y/n).” Barton pats your hand uncomfortably.

“No, I lost them.” You don’t stop crying, knowing you lost the last gift Loki gave you. “How could I ever look at him again?” You feel the shame of not being about to keep them. Doctors gather as many samples as they can to run tests.

“You’ll need rest for a few days.” One of them stays to give you instructions. “You may move, but don’t strain yourself and move slowly.”

“Thank you.” You mumble feeling empty. “May I go to my room now?” The doctor exchanges a look with Barton.

“Yes.” They hand you a pack of adult diapers. “For the blood, until you’re bleeding has died down.”

“Thank you.” You take them and slowly stand. It seems in the chaos they already put one on you. You walk past Barton with your head down and freely let your tears flow. You glare down at the ground when you reach your room. “Damn it.” You look out your window at the bright sky, contrasting your true feelings. “I finally give in to loving you and promising to care for you, but now you’re gone. Why? Have I sinned so terribly that I must be punished so cruelly?” You sob. “Was loving him such a grave mistake that I must never find happiness again?” You fall to your bed, unable to pull yourself together in your grief.

Loki wakes up with a sudden pain in his chest, like something just drove through his heart. “(Y/n)!” He gasps. Loki hasn’t tried to find you since that night he found out you were pregnant, possibly his child? He’s still convinced it isn’t his. Slowly he musters the courage and concentrates, feeling your fear. Soon he was watching you clutching your barely noticeable stomach with tears running down your face. The pain he felt with you was unbearable. The blonde man scooped you into his arms and ran. Loki felt a pang of jealousy as you sobbed into his chest. He followed you to the infirmary where he saw blood flowing from you. The pain Loki feels intensifies as you cry out for him. Loki can’t tear his eyes away, no matter how hard he tried.

“I lost them.” You cry. “How could I ever look at him again?” Why were you so sad to lose Laufey’s child? Shouldn’t you be happy? For one brief moment, Loki dared to hope it was his child, but then he would have to face the fact his child is dead and you had to handle it without him. No, it  _had_  to be Laufey’s. Loki refuses to believe you could lose his child. He follows you to your room and sees you staring at the window. But Loki can’t understand you through your sobs.

“Darling, I am sorry.” Loki feels the tears fall down his cheeks. “This is not your fault. I wish I was here to comfort you.” He reaches out to touch your hair, but his hand goes through you. “I wish to hold you and ease this pain you feel.” He kneels next to you, wishing to be there. “If I could just take this pain away, I would. You do not deserve this kind of punishment, my love.” Loki looks away from your trembling, sobbing form. “This is my fault, and I’m sorry the universe decides to punish you for my sins.”

“Wake up, sleeping beauty.” Thanos’s children dump ice water on him, breaking his concentration and waking up from his vision. “Time for more training.” Loki groans and gets up. Immediately one of them smacks him back down.

“Try again, puny god.” He smirks down at Loki. Loki glares at him and stands, ready for the next move. He tries to concentrate, but all he can think about is your sobs. All Loki can hear is you crying out for him to help you. He channels the rage and self-loathing building in him to destroy his opponent.

“Try again, mortal.” Loki spats. “Who’s next?”


	13. Chapter 13

You physically heal quickly, but emotionally? You felt dead on the inside. The only reason you could carry on is because of SHIELD. You focus on getting stronger and trained until you were forced to stop. “Enough.” Director Fury barks. You’re breathing heavily as you get off your sparring partner. “(Y/n), you’re ready.” You smile.

“Thank you, sir.”

“I am assigning you with Agent Barton to watch over the tesseract.” You walk behind him toward the lab.

“It is an honor, sir.” You shake hands with Barton. “Hello, partner.”

“Glad you are looking better.” It’s been a few months since your miscarriage and you had avoided him, embarrassed he saw you at a weak point. “I will watch from above, if you stay on the ground.”

“Sounds like a plan.” You nod and start circling the warehouse. Fury starts asking questions with the scientists when the tesseract becomes alive. “Uh, sir?” You hear Barton jump down to help you out. Suddenly a portal opens and a man appears before you. You remember his dark hair, now longer since you last saw him. He has a look in his eyes that chills you. “Loki…” Barton and Fury look at you. “H-how?” Loki looks at you and grins, but your stomach knots.

“I’m glad to see you’re doing well, little one.” You can’t seem to catch your breath. “I’m glad that monster died before it was born.”

“What?” You glare at him. How did he know about your baby? You feel a pain in your chest as he confirms your fear. Loki could never love his own child.

“I’m glad Laufey’s child is dead. Now you can be only mine again.”

“Laufey’s child?” Your eyes widen. “My baby was yours!” You scream. Tears freely flow down your face. “You fucking dick! Do you even know what I’ve been through because of you!” You pull out your gun and shoot his leg. Loki falls to one knee. “Don’t you even know what I’ve felt when I lost  _your_  child?” You load the gun, but Barton takes it away from you.

“My child?” Loki looks up at you. Fury handcuffs him. “How are you certain?”

“I have only been yours!” You yell. “No one else has had me!” They lead Loki away, as you try to not throw up. Barton pats your shoulder gently. “I thought he was gone from my life.”

“You can visit him if you want.” You scoff.

“Why would I want to visit that dick after everything!”

“You still love him.” Barton observes. You frown, trying to shove your feelings back into a box.

“No, I cannot love a man who is happy I lost a child.”

“Go and see him. He doesn’t understand the full situation. He didn’t even know it was his child.” You sigh.

“Yes, sir.” You trudge to the cell you know he would be put in.

“Laufey never had you?” Loki looks at you with pain in his eyes.

“He never had me.” You cross your arms. “He wanted me to stay as his wife, which I refused and promptly left Jotunheim. Then I found out I was pregnant and…” You feel tears in your eyes. “Gods, Loki, do you even know how scared I was? Alone on an alien planet, pregnant with your child? Then after accepting it and giving into the love I felt, it is taken away?!” You fall to your knees as you sob. “The doctor said it was because we are two different races. The chances of a miscarriage and losing the child are higher.” You mumble. “But, it’s not like it will happen again. After all, you don’t want me still.” You turn to leave when you hear him pound against the glass.

“Wait!” You turn and see his blurry figure through your tears. “I can stop this.”

“Stop what?” Just as you said that something like a bomb sounds, rocking the building. “Loki, what was that?” He doesn’t look up.

“I’m sorry.” You take a deep breath before running to face whatever is attacking. “(Y/n)! Don’t!” You ignore him. You can’t just abandon everything you proved for him. You find Barton.

“What do we do?”

“Grab Loki and get him on the ship.” You frown. “They’re after him.”

“Of course…” You groan and run back to where you came. “Let’s go.” You frown down at Loki. You grab his arm and drag him toward the ship with Barton behind you.

“If you ever try to harm her again,” Barton starts, but Loki interrupts.

“I see you have a Midgardian wrapped around your finger, darling.” You roll your eyes when you see Loki glaring at Barton.

“Shut up, Loki. He has a family of his own.” You try to quicken your pace.

“Others will be meeting us on the ship, including my old partner.”

“Alright.” You two make it to a jeep and you shove Loki in the back.

“I’ll drive if you sit back there with him.”

“I have no choice.” You grumble as you climb into the back with Loki. You kept his restraints on, not wishing to try and let him escape. “I should have taken Laufey’s offer.”

Loki looks at you hurt. “He was my father.”

“He offered me safety, which is more than you ever done.” You see ugly creatures following you. “Shit, chitari? Are you serious Loki? What the fuck were you thinking?” You reach through the window and grab the semi-automatic rifle. “You may want to get down.” Loki frowns at you before jumping as you unleash the rounds into the chitari following you.

“Dear, I think it’s pointless.” You glare at him before shouting through the window.

“Barton, they’re gaining on us!” Loki falls forward, almost out of the back and you grab the waist of his pants to pull him back. “Stay down.” He finally listens to you and lets you do the work. He looks up in wonder as you fight off the masses alone. Loki couldn’t believe how strong you’ve become. How much potential did he hinder keeping you as his servant? “Loki, look out!” You shove his head down as a blast shoots past. “What are you thinking right now? What is distracting you?” You turn back to the chitari.

“You.” You groan. “You’re so strong now. I hindered everything you could have been by keeping you as my servant and not as a fighting partner.”

“You wanted to feel powerful. I allowed you to feel that.” Loki barely caught your words. He glares up at you. “Just a little more.” Your truck was hit and the three of you are sent flying. You hit the ground and everything goes dark. You wake up in an infirmary, noticing it’s the one on the ship. “Fuck, how did we make it?” You rub your eyes.

“I teleported us here. Barton told me where it was.” You turn and see Loki sitting at your bed. “You took most of the damage. I landed on you.” You notice it hurts to breathe and you look down the hospital gown. Your chest is bandaged and you smell the distinct rusty iron, indicating blood.

“Good, she’s awake!” Barton enters your small room. “Loki got us here safely.”

“Why isn’t he in chains?” He shrugs.

“Command says he could have killed us, but decided to side with us instead.”

“I’m keeping my eye on him.” You glare at Loki.

“I don’t blame you.” Barton smirks before leaving to tell the director you were awake.

“I promise, I will try to fix this mess.” You sigh.

“How many promises have you broke now? Do you expect me to still believe them?”

“I found you again, just as I said.” Loki gently lifts your hand to his lips. “And now that I’m here, I’m never leaving you. I’ll even join this weak group of warriors to be with you.” You feel tears in your eyes as you, once again, fall for his charming smile and find yourself trusting his words again.

“Fuck, why do you do this to me Loki?” You turn away. “I can’t seem to stop how I feel about you.”

“Neither can I.” Loki gently turns you to face him. “My love, I regret so much. But now I’m here with you, and I’m never leaving.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Loki chuckles and kisses you gently.

“You’ll see it every day.” You smile and give in to the hurt and love you feel for this broken man. “You’ll wake up to me in your arms, keeping you safe, for the rest of our lives.”

“Loki…” You let the tears fall and cry into his chest.

“I’ve hurt you in unimaginable ways. Please, let me prove myself every day. That’s all I ask now.”

“Yes.” You sob as the man you’ve been waiting for returns to you as he was. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kisses your hair and rubs your back. “More than anything in the nine realms.” You stay in his arms the rest of the day, hoping this isn’t an illusion or a dream you’ll wake up from. “I have only been yours, even before this mess.”

You laugh. “Even in Jotunheim, I couldn’t take Laufey’s offer because I was yours.” You finally close your eyes, exhausted. “I knew you’d find me one day.”

“Always, my little dove.”


	14. Epilogue

You feel familiar cramping, just as before. “Loki…” You whisper. “It’s the same as before.” Fear grips you to your core. You’ve been through five miscarriages and a still born these past ten years. So, the fact you’ve had a successful, healthy pregnancy so far was a miracle.

Loki swallows, remembering the pain you went through when the child was born dead. You insisted on keeping his ashes in your living room. “Darling, are-are you certain?”

“Yes.” You feel tears run down your cheeks. “I’m scared.”

“I know.” He helps you into the taxi. “But, you felt them move this morning, right?”

“Y-yes.” You fear the movements were just wishful thinking. Soon you make it to SHIELD headquarters, where the doctors are waiting for you. “N-no matter what happens, you’ll be there right?”

“Yes, my love.” He squeezes your hand as he helps you out of the car. You bite your lip to ease the pain of the contraction. “That’s it, breathe.” Loki helps you into the building. “We’re almost there.”

“If you say the same shit as last time, I’m punching you in the face.” You grit your teeth as he lifts you onto a hospital bed.

“I only do as the Midgardians tell me.” Loki kisses your temple. “It’s either I ramble at you or I push the doctors out of the way to deliver it myself.”

You sigh, knowing how much self-restraint he is showing. “Alright…” You cry out as your blood soaks the sheets beneath you. The nurses rush around as your body slowly tries to deliver your child. Finally the doctor arrives and you start to relax a little.

Loki starts whispering breathing exercises for you, but all you can think about is punching him in the face. “That’s it, in and out…”

“Loki…” You gasp as a wave of contractions hit. “I want to kill you right now.”

He chuckles nervously. “I know, dear.” You glare at him before yelling curses. “Soon we’ll see them.” Loki hears a crack and winces as you break his hand. You don’t notice as the cries of an infant fill the room. Loki heals himself before looking at his child. It’s blue with ruby eyes staring up at him.

“It’s a girl?” The doctor frowns at the color of your child. Loki transforms into his true form and takes his daughter.

“Hello, little one.” He coos. You smile as Loki brings you her. “Our perfect baby.”

“She is.” You grin as you eagerly take her. “My little survivor.” Tears flow down your cheeks. “I’ve waited so long for you. What shall we name her?”

“Can we name her…” Loki doesn’t continue, feeling unworthy of naming your child after everything. “You should name her.”

“Loki?” You touch his cool face. “Tell me what you want to name our child.”

“Figga.” He turns away. “I know I have no right to ask this, but—”

“Yes.” You smile down as she latches onto your breast to feed. “We will name her after your mother.”

“Thank you.” Loki kisses you gently. “The two most important women in my life are before me now.” You smile up at him, happy he accepts his child and that he hasn’t changed back yet. Maybe with you, he can finally embrace his true self and not feel the need to hide it, at least from you.


End file.
